I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
