3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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