he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
