Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
