I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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