Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
