Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
