after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
