we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
