There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
