ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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