hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
