I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
