i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
