I was born with a shot glass in my hand
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
