Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As shirtless as possible
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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