so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
