Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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