your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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