does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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