My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
