you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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