Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Houston, we have a blender
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
