At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i drank out of a bidet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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