bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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