if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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