We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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