We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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