that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
