so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
