my mouth tastes like poor choices
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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