so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need water and some morals
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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