This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
