and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
