found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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