Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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