i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this boner is exhausting
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
