He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
