I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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