goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
