and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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