I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize