I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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