Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
