You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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