i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
