I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
