I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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