We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
