I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't notice because vodka
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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