New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
