Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
