3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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