Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
