Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
