In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
