highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
