i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
