If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
