New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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