They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
