Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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