i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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