onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
