im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
