i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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