my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
