And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
