dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize