It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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