see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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