I think my vagina is haunted
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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