4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
