I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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