I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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