ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
