that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
